Stop "shoulding" all over yourself

As I reflect on this last month, it has felt like 2 years instead of 31 days .

1 month ago my anxiety was at an all-time high. We were closing on the home that my studio is in and, while Shred With Shannon could afford it, the timing was not right for our personal finances. But we both ultimately knew that this house was a gift from God & so... we blindly leapt.

Sleepless nights, anxious poops, heavy sighs & lots of praying were my new normal. I started sleeping with a rosary in my hand. "I trust in God" became/still is my mantra. 

ALL the thoughts bombarded me...

"What the f*** are we doing?"

"Am I ready for this?"

"Do I want this?"

"I can barely take care of my own house, much less a second"

These thoughts are now a mere whisper on occasion, but they are still there. 

December was a month of transition & survival:

- switching utilities & all the logistics that comes with that

- welcoming a new renter (more logistics)

- rolling out a new service: Infrared Sauna (come check it out!)

- paying for an actual mortgage instead of just rent

- gearing up for a new year, which, in my industry, is my time to shine! #nopressure

- becoming a landlord instead of just a tenant

And this is just on the business side. In my personal life?

- wrestling for my boys had started (lots of weekend days spent sitting on a bleacher & nervous system being out of whack!)

- Christmas break coming up/Auntie Mimi's pending visit (lots of excited energy for my boys).

- Oliver's pending tonsillectomy on 12/27 (more nervous energy!)

- the havoc that financial strain can wreak on a marriage

I experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows the whole month of December.  Sometimes in the same hour!

This brings me to my actual point for this blog post... because I was so consumed by anxiety, I did absolutely nothing for the holidays.

We barely decorated for Christmas.

I dipped potato chips in melted chocolate and called it good. (really good btw!)

I didn't do any of the things I had set out to do for Advent.

My shopping consisted of gifts only for my children and they were all from Amazon Prime.

My wrapping was bags from the Dollar Tree (purchased on Christmas Eve) & the brown paper that protects items in Amazon boxes.

We didn't go to any Christmas parties or drive around and look at Christmas lights.

As I said, I was in survival mode.

All of the things that you're supposed to do for Christmas... I didn't do any of them. 

All of the things you're supposed to do for New Years Eve... Nada. 

I started sensing a theme & it all came to fruition as I had a little pity party for myself yesterday.

I would scroll social media, see everyone's fun holiday plans & start "shoulding" myself....

"Ugh. I haven't done much for the kids (or whatever)... I/we should do something".

"I really should do more for the holidays"

Everything I did for the holidays.... It's perfect.

Everything I didn't do for the holidays... It's totally fine.

If there is 1 thing I am going to change in 2024, it's going to be to stop "shoulding" myself. 

"Shoulding" all over myself brought nothing but more anxiety, unhappiness & discontentment. 

I thought I needed to do more, but that is a big, fat lie. 

Quick update on how I'm doing with our new purchase: Much better! God has continued to provide for us (a renter & 1 more coming + 3 new clients!) and I am leaning wholeheartedly into adding a property owner/landlord onto the list of hats I wear!

To tie ALL this up... Matt reminded me of a quote: "If you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing".

Well... I'm uncomfortable, so here's to growth in 2024! Cheers!